Why did I even bother to be diagnosed at all?

I was diagnosed as Aspergers Autistic aged thirty-one. A few people asked my why I needed or wanted to be diagnosed at that age, what difference could it make to my life now I had already got that far into adulthood? Well…

It was a relief to have the diagnosis. I had suspected I was autistic for some years and my mum had been reading up on it when I was a teenager. She knew there was something different with my brain, I was just so unlike others. Having suspected it for years it confirmed things for me and my family. It proves what I thought about myself which was I can not help being the way that I am sometimes. Also confirming the type of autism gave me a clearer idea of things.

Having an explanation for being slightly different or awkward really helps at times. I have been called selfish, attention seeking and rude by numerous people over the years when I am actually trying my hardest to fit in and do not mean to appear that way at all. Even worse is when people accuse me of these things when I am really struggling and having a melt down. Saying such things will often just prolong the melt down or makes me more likely to have another one. At least now I can say I am autistic and am trying my best, please try to be understanding. Being autistic is not an excuse to get your own way or to knowingly be rude to someone, but when I do not mean to be it helps to explain things to people. If someone then says I can not possibly be autistic, as has happened in the past, I can now say I have been officially diagnosed by professionals.

Being diagnosed officially helps when claiming benefits. Getting Employment Support Allowance and other benefits is often hard and saying you suspect you have a condition does not count, you need a professional diagnosis in your notes. Last time I was assessed it was tricky to prove my need for ESA when I was yet to be tested for autism. I had a support worker who stood up for me which helped a great deal, but I no longer have a support worker so if my claim comes up for assessment again I will need this diagnosis more than ever.

I now feel more justified spending time researching Aspergers and autism. I can find other people with autism who I can identify with at least in part and say me too, helping me feel less of an outsider.

If you spent your entire childhood and youth feeling different and like you did not fit in would you not want to confirm why this was? For my own peace of mind I needed to know for sure.

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One thought on “Why did I even bother to be diagnosed at all?

  1. My father discovered he had Asperger’s Syndrome in his late 60s and it was very liberating for him. Eventually this knowledge also became very helpful to me as well, because I was raised by someone with Asperger’s, and that did have an unusual impact on me compared to my peers with typical parents. Knowledge is power!!

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