Archive | July 2017

Social skills are just that, a skill

‘A social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others. Social rules and relations are created, communicated, and changed in verbal and nonverbal ways. The process of learning these skills is called socialization. For socialization, Interpersonal skills are essential to relate one another.’ (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_skills).

You may not think that socialising requires a set of skills, but it does. Some people are better at these skills than others. I found learning these skills difficult and still struggle with them at times. I am getting better at socialising, but still have things to learn.

After a while a lot of people tire of me. I know I can be hard work to spend a lot of time with. In fact I find myself hard work to spend a lot of time with, hence I do not like to be alone for too long. The trouble is I also find socialising hard work sometimes so things do not always go smoothly. On a bad day when I am tired or something has annoyed me I can get worse at dealing with people.

I try to join in conversations with others, but sometimes seem to bore people. My recent autism diagnosis report says I sometimes miss social cues from others and my conversation can lack flexibility. So I guess it can seem like I am giving a lecture which has to be tedious for those listening. To make matters worse the report also says my speech can lack variation in pitch at times which could make me sound like a robot stating facts. If I had not studied drama I dread to think how even more dull my speech could sound. (I think my drama training has helped me understand others a bit better, especially when it comes to reading emotions.)

I can go into excessive detail at times and do not always realise others have lost interest according to my autism report. Since reading my report I have noticed sometimes when people are trying to move conversation on and I am trying to allow conversation to flow more, but it is not always easy for me. When I am passionate about a topic I tend to get carried away. However I realise not everyone is interested in the same things as me to the same degree.

I seem to struggle when people do not sure my point of view. I know others will have different opinions on things and I am fine with this in theory, but sometimes in discussions I find myself not excepting that people may think differently about something from me. I am told I can come across as dictatorial at times, but I honestly do respect other people’s opinions. I am trying to work on coming across better.

cf4fa83670592037a4daeebdf19cd33b--social-skills-social-workI need to take note of this!

I am argumentative which obviously is not a good thing. I do not always think I am right and do not think I know it all. I am often wrong about things, but have been told I can come across as a know it all sometimes. This is not how I feel about myself and do not like this description of me. I need to let others speak more, interrupt less and at times bite my tongue. Sometimes saying nothing can be better than saying something that upsets people. Knowing when to express my opinions is tricky. Sometimes it feels as if people would prefer me to act brain-dead and follow the heard so to speak, regardless of my own thoughts. Maybe I do not express myself well and my points come across wrong. I have been accused of being overly negative and selfish quite a few times, which I really try not to be and hope to change to this opinion some people have of me. Although lately I am starting to think it does not matter what some people think of me as it will not actually affect my life long-term anyway.

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

I often find large social gatherings hard work. They are often fun, but require a lot of effort as there is usually a wide range of people to negotiate. I have often been known to end up saying the wrong thing to someone and only realising ages later or someone points it out to me.

If you could take a class on social skills for adults I would. Adults are expected to have picked up social skills as a child, and although I did to some extent, clearly I still have a lot to learn.