Sometimes I feel like my brain is struggling to deal with everything. My mind feels like it is over whelmed with thoughts and I start to feel down about things. During a recent session of this I decided to write down what it felt like, this is what I wrote:
Over thinking a lot of things, some of which are simple things.
Worrying about things before they even start. Building things up.
Pre plan over and over in my head, seeing the future event taking place in my mind. It can be something as simple as what I will do when I get home that day or what I will do at the weekend.
Visualizing things in my mind’s eye in great detail, sometimes they seem almost real.
Overcrowded brain. Loud, chattering thoughts.
Thoughts swimming through my mind jostling for position.
This can lead to:
OCD When I over think some things it can trigger me to think an action or task needs redoing as it might not be right. When I am worrying about something my OCD tends to become worse.
Anger I get angry with myself sometimes at not being able to control my thoughts. I get angry when I am stuck in an OCD loop or when confused. I mostly just feel angry inside, but I have been known to shout out loud at myself sometimes, mostly when on my own.
Confusion When my mind is swimming with thoughts I sometimes get confused as to which thoughts matter and which don’t.
Worrying I worry something will not go to plan as I saw it happening in my mind. I sometimes worry that I will never get better from feeling like this and that can scare me.
Tiredness Having a brain that will not shut up can be very tiring. When I am over thinking things too much it can make me tired.
Putting Things off/ Giving up I have an idea or a plan, but sometimes I put myself off the idea by over thinking it and imagining all the reasons it is a bad idea. I worry about it either coming across as a daft idea to other people or just not working well.
Depression/ Low Spirits When I over think something to the point it makes me worry or give up, then I can feel very low. Sometimes I just go back to bed and sleep instead of having to listen to my overcrowded brain. My thoughts can start to all be negative and I start to blame myself for how I feel. I also feel low sometimes when something I pre plan in great detail does not work out that way exactly.
The worst is when I start to take out my mood on those around me, mostly my parents who I live with. I try very hard not to do this, but sometimes I struggle. I do not like how angry I get with other people at times. Sometimes I feel the anger is somewhat justified towards them, but most of the time I know afterwards that it was not.
I wonder if anyone else who has OCD or high functioning autism or an anxiety disorder can relate to any of this.